Seedy K’s Peerless Pigskin Prognostications: Week III

So yeah, I had the U of L Cardinals upending Central Florida in the Bounce House.

Deal with it ye nagging naysayers.

Add in the Crimson Tide who snuck out of Austin with a narrow W, the Roadrunners of Texas San Antonio who captured Army in its second OT battle of the young campaign at West Point, and Iowa State which prevailed for the first time in awhile against arch-enemy There’s No O IN Iwa. I had those correctly prognosticated.

Only UK’s impressive win over the Gators prevented me from my first perfecto this year.

4-1 for the weekend vaults me to 9-6 for the year.

It’s too late to stop now.

This week’s winners:

Missouri State @ Arkansas. Oh the yin and yang of Jessica. On the one hand, there’s Jessica Betts, daughter of Dickey, she who inspired one of the most melodious instrumentals in all of rock. With its iconic Chuck Leavell piano break, and papa’s soaring solo, which brilliantly starts a half beat early. Then there are these. Jessica Hahn, the young secretary/ inamorata for Jim Bakker, who felled that good thing religious shuck JB and Tammy Faye had going. And Jessica Dorrell, the Arkansas football “special” staff assistant with benefits — including a new car paid for by her boss — to the head Razorback coach at the time, one Robert Petrino. Who gets to relive his motopsycho nightmare of a decade ago this weekend, upon his circuitous return to Fayetteville. He’ll be coaching Missouri State, along with son Li’l Nicky and several other family members. Devoid of any sense of how to be an actual human being, said Bobby P can coach football. In a year of upsets, will it be enough to prevail where he was once revered, then fired for “deceitful Lying”? Gosh, considering the bad karma he carries, it’s hard to fathom. There’s a chance, but no, Wooooo Pig Sooey.

Kansas @ Houston. I remember clicking upon a Kansas game a few years back — I forget which one of the school’s long line of highly recognizable, overpaid coaches was wearing the headset. But do distinctly recall thinking, “This is the worst college football team I have ever seen.” Even possession of the highly coveted Sword of a 1000 Truths wouldn’t have helped the Jayhawks then. Yet, there’s a new sheriff in town, Lance Leipold. Whose team in the second year of his reign has already matched last campaign’s win total of 2, averaging 55.5 ppg with a W in Morgantown. Houston’s gone to OT twice, where they go on O first, since Dana Holgorsen was convinced by his analytics gurus that teams which take the ball to start have won 57% in extra time. The Cougs have split. Which sentence before last upon proofreading appears a non-diagrammable run on sentence and kind of a hackneyed way of signifying nothing. I like what Leipold has done. For some reason I’ve never taken to Holgorsen, but believe he’ll prevail in this one.

Purdue @ Syracuse. It is a weekend with some odd not so regional matchups. Duquesne @ Hawai’i, Texas Tech @ NC State, SMU @ Maryland. These are the kind of put together tussles you generally only see post season when viewing the Anti Monkey Butt Powder® Cumquat Bowl. It is oddly the most intriguing to this writer, the pass-happy Boilermakers vs the undefeated Orange. The former has a coach who wants to return to his alma mater, some day anyway; the latter seems to have turned his program around with an opening weekend smackdown of that very same institution in its surprising opener. ‘Cuse’s stadium is ironically air conditioned now that Carrier no longer holds naming rights. It shall be cool enough and loud enough to chill Air Brohm.

Youngstown State @ Kentucky. The visiting Penguins — yeah that’s their mascot — have several local kids on the roster. But only one it appears from Cardinal Mooney HS, famously the birthplace of the Stoops dynasties there and elsewhere. You think that presence will make the Wildcats’ winningest coach ever misty, unable to really get his team ready after their couch burning, car flipping W last weekend? Doubt it. UK premier weapon Chris Rodriguez is still out, but it still doesn’t matter. Big Blue.

Florida State @ Louisville. Last Friday Night’s ESPN college pigskin offering was one of their most watched in that time slot in years. Hmmmmm, it obviously can’t be “expert” commentator Always Wrong Never Right Andre Ware. Could it be a fascination with, maybe, the University of Louisville Cardinals. I mean it was none other than Game Day’s new unleashed superdude Pat McAfee, who gave the Cards big shoutout the next morning, sitting aside that former U of L coach whom the Chinstrap Nation adores. Satt’s Squad returns for another primetime battle in their home opener against Florida State. The Seminoles appear on the edge of the fringe of the cusp of the cul de sac of returning to respectability. Will it continue? Not Friday. Go Cards.

Bonus Pick: Bellarmine @ Midway. Yes, pigskin lovers, and fans of Central Florida, in case you haven’t been paying attention, there’s a new band of Knights on the gridiron scene. Bellarmine, along with a heretofore never of institution of higher learning — next week’s foe Fontbonne — is a member of the MSFL (Midwest Sprint Football League). The Norris Placers journey to Midway to take on the league rival Eagles in 178 lbs. or less action. I know nothing about anybody on the team, except that one guy might be like 40 years old. And nothing about the coach, except that his name is Harold Davis, and he was a firefighter and HS coach somewhere. Of Midway, I got even less. On a hunch, I’m picking the Knights.

— c d kaplan