Seedy K’s Peerless Bowl Prognostications

After streaming a flick the other night — “Kimi” on HBO Max, pretty nifty technothriller — the realization came I hadn’t watched but a couple of plays in the Wake Forest/ Mizzou Gasparilla Bowl. Not that I gave a lump of coal about the game or who won.

Yet then realized how different this year’s Bowl Season has been. Something’s been missing.

Yes. No Joey the Vig’s Bowl Pool. Which would have me and about fifty others hanging on every fumble, pick and FG every silly Bad Boy Techno Taco Burpee Bowl until way after our bedtimes.

About fifteen years ago I was at a holiday party. In the corner of the den the TV was tuned without sound to the Fruit Company Cumquat Bowl or some such. What did happen to my benefit was Syracuse either made or missed a FG — who can remember details — which kept the kid alive for top spot with the Vig. I let out a scream, raising my hands in triumph.

Only The Professor, another annual bowler bozo, understood.

The Vig passed away suddenly a couple of months back.

Joey the Vig was a fictional ID fashioned for my pal John up Michigan way. A retired teacher, he loved numbers and odds and charts and data bases and football. He’d host such contests. A 13 run pool in baseball. Monthly pick ‘em pool during football season.

And, my favorite, the Bowl Pool.

Not only because I could milk it for some blogs. I won it a couple of times, pocketing a little moolah.

So, to honor and in memory of dear friend Johnny Wags a/k/a Joey the Vig, find herewith America’s Premier Pigskin Prognosticator taking on the challenge of picking the winners for the remainder of the Bowl Season.

And, yes, it’s twu it’s twu, Against The Spread. (As set by Vegas Insider on 12/24.)

Unlike the Vig’s endeavor, this is for entertainment purposes only.

But, it shall make Duke vs. Central Florida Must See TV.

Should any readers wish to join the frolic, put your picks in the Comments Section.

Otherwise, curb thy tongue, in the unlikely event I shall falter.

Fun is Bowling.

* * * * *

Quick Lane: Bowling Green -3.5 vs. New Mexico State.

What says bowl season more than a school with the word in its name? Falcons.

Camellia: Ga. Southern -3.5 vs. Buffalo.

Oh how the Buffalo kids are going to lord it over their pals back home that they got to spend a few days in Montgomery. Bulls.

Responder: Memphis State -7.5 vs. Utah State

Yours truly never gives Memphis State the benefit of the doubt. In anything. Aggies.

Birmingham: East Carolina -7 vs. Coastal Carolina.

Pirates eat Chanticleers.

* * * * *

Guarantee Rate: Wisconsin -3.5 vs. Oklahoma State.

Which participants players want to impress their new coach? Badgers.

Military: Duke -3 vs. Central Florida.

One year I captured the Vig’s pool, simply by picking all the underdogs. Having already favored too many faves, it’s time to mend my ways. Knights.

Liberty: Arkansas -3 vs. Kansas.

And again. Rock Chalk You Know.

Credit Union: Oregon -14 1/2 vs. North Carolina.

Mighty big spread. Mighty danged big. But, ya know, it’s the Ducks. Quack.

* * * * *

Texas: Ole Mis -3.5 vs. Texas Tech.

Deep in the Heart of . . . Red Raiders.

Bad Boy Mowers Pinstripe: Minnesota -10 vs. Syracuse.

What’s with a lawn mower corp. underwriting a football game in the Bronx? Remember that holiday party incident mentioned in the lede? Orange do it again for the kid.

Cheez It: Florida State -9 1/2 vs. Oklahoma.

Oooooooooooooooooklahoma ain’t OK. Seminoles.

Alamo: Texas -31/2 vs. Washington.

Deep in the Heart of . . . Huskies.

* * * * *

Duke’s Mayo: Maryland (Pick ‘em) vs. NC State.

Pass the rest of the BLT (and lots of towels) to Dave Doeren. Wolfpack

Sun: UCLA -4 1/2 vs. Pittsburgh.

Pitt’s just glad to get out of the snow. Bruins.

Gator: Notre Dame -2 1/2 vs. South Carolina.

The hum continues. Gamecocks.

Arizona: Ohio -1 vs. Wyoming.

Yippee tay yah yay. Cowboys.

* * * * *

Orange: Clemson -5 1/2 vs. Tennessee.

Lots of orange in the Orange Bowl. Where’s Anita Bryant with the Minute Maid? Tigers.

Sugar: Alabama -6 1/2 vs. Kansas State.

Upset Special: Wildcats.

Music City: Iowa -2 1/2 vs. Kentucky.

Some O beats No O. Wildcats.

* * * * *

Fiesta: Michigan -7 1/2 vs. Texas Christian.

Two inhabitants of the Wild. Horned Frogs know how to avoid Wolverines.

Peach: Georgia -6 1/2 vs. Ohio State.

Can’t get that Big Buckeye L in the Shoe out of my mind. Bulldogs.

* * * * *

Relia Quest: Illinois -1 vs. Mississippi State.

To honor their fallen mentor. Bulldogs.

Citrus: LSU -14 1/2 vs. Purdue.

Mighty big spread. Too big. Boilermakers.

Cotton: Southern California -2 1/2 vs. Tulane.

I’m not a bettin’ kind of guy. That admitted, this seems the most befuddling spread of the season. Still, goin’ with the Green Wave.

Rose: Utah -2 1/2 vs. Pennsylvania State.

Tournament of Utes.

* * * * *

CFP Championship.

Was it inevitable? No. But it happens anyway. Georgia Bulldogs.

Transparency: Time spent considering and making picks: Three minutes, 18 seconds.

Miss ya, Joey. Long May You Game.

— c d kaplan