Seedy K’s Eccentric Wasabi Fenway Bowl Primer

Here’s everything you really don’t need to know about Saturday’s bowl matchup between U of L and Cincy.

But ought to.

What up with Wasabi?

No, it’s not a reference to that greenish, pea-ish horseradishy stuff you dab your Saba Roll in to make it more spicy. (Though I couldn’t help myself with the photo up top.)

Nor is it the name of the hottest new boutique on fashionable Newbury Street.

Also, not a reference to Southie pol Giuliani Wasabi, who is rumored to be declaring for the next mayoral race.

Ready for it? Hope so, don’t want to push my luck beyond the point of clever.

It’s a Boston-based cloud data storage solutions company, started by a couple fellows who do not appear to be of the Japanese persuasion.

Will your inveterate Cardinal beat reporter be in the house?

Uh, no.

Actually, my old work pal Larry invited me to come and stay with him and his bride.

I demurred rather quickly.

He’s gotten us tickets to Fenway when I’ve visited before. During baseball season. When it was a shade more balmy than the weather forecast for that early kickoff — 40 degrees, 85% chance of a rain/ snow mix. At least it’s not in Buffalo.

Besides I was there for Roger Clemons’ return to Beantown after jumping ship for the arch-rival New York Baseball Yankees.

When there was a police presence of a magnitude not seen in the Western World other than at Old Trafford for the Manchester Derby. (FYI: An EPL futbol match between Man U and Man City.)

The pinstripes won. Such was the dismay of the brewski-infused BoxSox fans, many acted out and were escorted away by the men in blue. And not to a pub at Kenmore Square.

Besides, there’s a Cardinal hoops game that afternoon here in the Ville. And that title game to watch Saturday night.

What’s the over/ under on attendance?

All things considered, 4738 in the house.

Along with diehards in the Queen City and the soon to be Volleyball Capital of the Collegiate World, and a nationwide audience on the World Wide Leader with nothing better to do at 1:00 am on a Saturday morning, having finished their holiday shopping and put up the tree.

Have any culinary suggestions should you be going?

Of course. Eating, c’est moi.

It’s a chain, but the fish dishes at Legal Sea Foods are first rate. Start with some chowdah.

In Fenway, if they’re selling them this time of year, the Lobster Roll is not your average ball park food. It’s gooooood.

What coaches will be on the sideline?

Sideline is singular. Both benches with be on the Green Monster side of the field

Neither school’s current head man — Scott Satterfield, late of Derbytown, and Jeff Browm, ever and always of River City — will even be present.

Deion Branch, not even a coach up to now, will be leading the Cards. Along with a couple assistants Coach Satt didn’t ask along up the river. And a few GAs.

Luke Coombs, left behind when Luke Fickell moved on, will lead the Bearcats. At least he’s been on staff as secondary coach.

If you’re wondering whether Bobby Petrino will be present, and I’m sure you are, the answer is surely no.

Seems the transient former offensive genius is taking up residence in Las Vegas, as OC in the latest regime at UNLV.

Good choice, dude, because, you know, unlike Fayetteville, “What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas.”

Who will win?

Ever the nation’s premier peerless pigskin prognosticator, yours truly still wouldn’t touch this one with a telescoping 11 foot pole.

Nobody has a clue how this will play out, given the coaching turmoil, opt outs, transfer portal, etc, etc, etc.

Not. Even. Me.

Haven’t the slightest idea what the spread is. Wouldn’t pay attention were I even a wagerer.

The only bettors plunging some bitcoin into this one are those fellows who sit a couple of rows in front of you in the stadium, their hands holding dollar bills. Which pass back and forth play by play during a game on whether QB BJ Dropback will toss his next aerial to wideout Jameltus Johnson or TE Johnny Bigun?

Go Cards.

Beat Cincy.

Beat Florida A&M.

Beat Texas.

— c d kaplan