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Supremes Skunk NC2A

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We don’t need Matt Damon to demonstrate how much Supreme Court Dude Brett Kavannaugh likes beer.

The future Justice only mentioned it about 173 times during his confirmation hearing.

During which dog and pony show we also learned that he and his pals — Squee, Moose, and PJ — also like college hoops. Kinda anyway.

He made a note on his calendar in March 1982 about the U of L/ Georgetown battle in the Final Four.

“Who won that game anyway?”

Yeah, beer and basketball. It’s a match for many.

Maybe his honor doesn’t remember much about that particular tilt, but it’s obvious from his concurring opinion in “NCAA vs. Alston,” that he’s been paying attention to the grift college sports’ ruling body has been running for a long while.

More about his take in a second.

* * * * *

At a time in our lives when it’s hard to find a consensus, let alone unanimity, among any grouping of two or more human beings, the Supreme Court of the United States did just that.

Nine independent jurists of different backgrounds, political persuasions, and thoughts about what constitutional integrity means, were of one mind.

NCAA, you’re outtahere.

9 zip.

9 nil.

If this were a Little League game, it would have called after four.

Monday’s ruling was somewhat narrow. It says the NCAA cannot in any way restrict educational-related benefits for what the organization euphemistically calls its “student athletes.”

If South Oregon A&M provides its Quidditch squad with desktops and laptops and cellphones and tutors and wardrobes for road trips and a spring vacation trip to Tahiti for practice, deeming them all necessary, it’s legal now.

The decision does not address NIL. Or schools actually giving its players a salary.

* * * * *

Which is where Squee’s Main Man comes in.

Kavannaugh, in a concurring opinion, which argument does not have the force of law — for the time being anyway — fired the proverbial shot across the bow.

Cutting to the significant line: “The NCAA’s business model would be flatly illegal in almost any other industry in America.”

Amateurism as it has been propagated by the NCAA is essentially a sort of forced labor without compensation. The leagues and schools and coaches and ADs are making mucho dinero. As well as Mark Emmert and his sycophants in Indy.

The athletes: Room, board, tuition, books, laundry money.

Plus the occasional verboten Benjamin handshake.

What it means is the NCAA best get its act together, set up a plan for compensation sooner rather than later. Kavannaugh and his cronies aren’t going to be acquiescing to the NC2A’s prevarications.

Should another lawsuit wend its way to the Supremes, the NCAA would be to use the technical term, “fucked.” The body frankly should never have appealed the ruling in this matter. But did so because of its tone deaf hubris.

* * * * *

Unless some last minute maneuvering results in some acceptable plan, chaos shall reign for awhile starting July 1. Some state have NIL laws. Some don’t. Different schools have different plans.

What we do know is that coming soon to Big Al’s Used Car Emporium in Santa Cruz: Banana Slug Frisbee ace “Flinger” Fortwangler doing a meet and greet. Autographs: $10 or a dime bag of sinsemilla

Somewhere Squee is smilin’. While he quaffs with his old pal, the Judge.

— c d kaplan