Here's your full schedule of events followed by what will take place should each contest go Louisville's way.
5:30 p.m. - VOLLEYBALL: Louisville vs. Ball State (NCAA Tournament, First Round)
My belt's unbuckled and I'm a little bit tipsy.
9:00 p.m. - MEN'S BASKETBALL: No. 6 Louisville vs. No. 20 Vanderbilt (ESPN)
Hammered. Pants are at my ankles and I'm waddling around the arena constantly making that arm motion you make when you want a truck to honk.
Noon - FOOTBALL: Connecticut at Cincinnati (A Husky win sends Louisville to the BCS) (ESPN)
I didn't sleep last night. This is a fact I'm completely unaware of. I've been attempting to start a "We Want 'Bama" chant at a near-empty Moby Dick for the past 25 minutes. I haven't seen my pants in 13 hours.
7:00 p.m. - MEN'S SOCCER: Louisville vs. UCLA (NCAA Tournament Elite Eight)
I have no idea who dressed or drove me, but I made it to the game and now I'm celebrating on the field. Colin Rolfe seeks me out and tells me we have to hang sometime. A number exchange takes place at some point. I'm wearing someone else's pants. They fit well.
Just as I decide it's probably time to get some sleep, someone tells me that the volleyball team upset No. 5 Purdue in the second round. All of us are heading to an establishment that serves. I'm not positive but I think I can hear my Chase card crying.
1:00 p.m. - WOMEN'S BASKETBALL: No. 10 Louisville at No. 12 Kentucky
I wake up in my own bed and I'm completely sober. I check the lap top and apparently I penned the greatest post in the history of the Internet at some point between 3 and 6 a.m. My email alerts me to the fact that I've offered the positions of Louisville Mayor and President of ESPN. Not an issue. Multi-tasking has always been a strength. Check the resume.
I watch Louisville beat Kentucky by 40 as I make plans for New Year's in Miami.
I can't even spell pants.