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Looking for help with a dilemma

As previously mentioned, I am being dragged (to hell) against my will to a wedding this Friday night. Also taking place this Friday night is a football contest between the fighting Cardinals from the University of Louisville, and their biggest conference rival, the Cincinnati Bearcats.

The above conundrum demands a decision which fans have struggled with for years: Do you follow the game via text updates and possible television access during the reception, or do you turn off the phone, tell everyone willing to listen that you don't want any updates, and watch the game in its entirety on DVR/Tivo when you get home?

Relevant facts:

1) The reception is taking place at a country club, making television access (in some capacity) fairly likely.

2) My friends are dicks.

3) I believe the wedding will be of decent size, meaning the risk of overhearing someone talking about the game will be equally sizable.

4) Many Louisville fans will be attendees.

Right now, I'm legitimately at 50/50 on what play to make here, so I'm turning to you with high hopes and a full heart.

One request: please no "grow a pair and skip the wedding" or "ditch the girlfriend" responses; all extreme options have already been explored and dismissed. This is my fate. It has been decided and it has been accepted.


Stiff-arming my dreams.