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Jurich's Patented Non-stick Coach Replacement List

Like your favorite ESPNU commercials, the calls for Kragthorpe's head have become repetitive and low-brow--and therefore, wildly amusing. After a long string of unanswered coaching miscues and the ensuing wordplay in which fans take turns warping Kragthorpe's name into a verb or adjective, Louisville's Championship Contender and Coaching Prestige ratings on EA Sports' NCAA Football franchise have successively tumbled from "Excellent" to "Kragtastic" over the last 3 years. I'm not saying this is the time during the season to call for a coaching change, I'm just wondering who's on the list.

Below is an unscientific and completely unresearched guess at Jurich's List to replace the Head Coach for Louisville Football, which is rumored to be hand-written on the back of a Arturo Fuente "Hemingway" cigar wrapper, nestled deep inside Jurich's walk-in humidor.

1. Tommy Tuberville

Current Job: SEC Football Analyst for ESPN, Assistant Hedge Fund Manager

Highlights: Won 6 consecutive games versus bitter in-state rival Alabama; record during last 5 seasons at Auburn: 9-6 vs. Top 10 teams including 5-2 against Top 5; coached Auburn to 13-0 season and won both the Walter Camp and Paul Bear Bryant Coach of the Year Awards in 2004; linked to the infamous "jetgate" incident in which Auburn boosters and AD staff contacted then-Louisville coach Bobby Petrino about replacing Tuberville just prior to the Auburn-Alabama game in 2003;  after leaving Auburn in 2008, said he wanted to take a year off from coaching.

Author's opinion: Widely considered the best available head coach option for Louisville and I agree; solid recruiting ties in the south, well-respected "character" guy, and most importantly he was nicknamed "The Riverboat Gambler" at Ole Miss in the 90s for his agressive playcalling. Awesome.

2.  Phil Fulmer

Current Job: Partner at an Investment Firm, part-time CFB analyst for CBS

Highlights: Spent 20 years on coaching staff at Tennessee; won first-ever BCS National Championship Game and honored as Home Depot Coach of the Year in 1998; the wheels started falling off during the 2005 season: word got out that he helped rat out SEC rival Alabama for violations and UT went on to finish that season 5-6 after being ranked 3rd pre-season; consented to resign after finishing the 2008 season after enduring considerable pressure from fans and then promptly lost to 26-point underdog Wyoming the next week.

Author's opinion: He's a great recruiter that could do some damage if he had the same talent from Tennessee in the Big East but for no specific reason, I just don't like him that much. After it was revealed in 2005 that he was one of the "secret witnesses" that ratted out the Crimson Tide program for violations, he was too scared to show up at SEC Media Days in Alabama...not impressed.

3.  Bud Foster

Current Job: Def Coordinator at Virginia Tech

Highlights: Spent last 20+ years on defensive coaching staff at Virginia Tech; won the 2006 Frank Broyles Award (Best assistant coach in college football).

Author's opinion: No head coaching experience but he's been one of the best defensive minds in college football for several years at Virginia Tech. I think his personality would be well-accepted but fans want a big name--someone proven at head coach--and Jurich may have to give them what they want if he hopes to fill the seats at the newly expanded stadium; has marginal ties to the state of Kentucky--born in Somerset; former player and asst coach at Murray State.


Turner Gill (Head Coach at Univ of Buffalo)
Willie Martinez (Def Coord at Georgia)

Perfect Brownie Pan (Strength Coach, USC)
Charlie Strong (Def Coord at Florida)
Jon Tenuta (Def Coord at Notre Dame)

Chime in with anyone not listed and state the reason why you think they are on Jurich's list (or why they should be).