I am not a man who relishes responsibility. Falling on the proverbial sword when things go bad doesn't fall under my "likes" column. Perhaps this doesn't make me what the business world would call a "go-getter," or what my third-grade teacher would call a "decent human being," but it's who I am and how I've managed to achieve a handful of trifling successes over the course of 23 years.
An intro like that can only mean one thing: we have a dilemma people.
We've struck a pretty healthy talisman balance over the last month or so with Gyrating Go Cards holding down the Hall, and Please God Let Us Win Baby taking care of business on the road. But the golden child is no longer unscathed, and from here on out the Cards will be doing battle on neutral courts, a situation neither charm has familiarized itself with this season.
Now the grown-up thing to do here would be to make this decision on my own and personally bare the consequences, but it's also a grown-up thing to not drop the F bomb everytime you place a drive-through order, and I'm not giving that up any time soon. So what I'm going to do is put this up to a vote (look to your right, or up and to your right if you scrolled down to read this far). The polls will close at midnight on Wednesday, and the winner will get the nod to (figuratively) carry the torch into Madison Square Garden.
People who don't vote solely based on which candidate has the most humorous sounding name often like to research their options before setting foot in a booth, so let's take a closer look at both of the choices...right now.
GYRATING GO CARDS
Overall Record: 11-2
Home Record: 9-0
Road Record: 2-2
Key Wins: At Kentucky, vs. Georgetown, vs. Notre Dame
Losses: At Connecticut, At Seton Hall
Strength of Schedule: T-1
--Veteran of the 2006 and 2007 football seasons, the '06-'07 basketball season, and the '07 College World Series.
--Was a relief pitcher with the California Angels off-and-on from 1986-1988, compiling a 1-5 career record and a lifetime ERA of 4.58.
--Says his biggest thrill in life was appearing as an extra in the 1999 Burt Reynolds flick Waterproof.
--Does not gyrate outside of open threads.
PLEASE GOD LET US WIN BABY
Overall Record: 7-1
Home Record: 2-0
Road Record: 5-1
Key Wins: At Marquette, At Pittsburgh
Loss: At Georgetown
Strength of Schedule: T-1
--Actual name is Ellie, and is the daughter of Card Chronicle user LouisvilleLisa.
--Was not actually praying to or for anyone during photo shoot, but rather "just trying to get the damn thing over with."
Remember folks: it's not a privilege, it's an obligation...that if not met will result in an early demise at the freakishly weak hands of a sports blogger.
I'm all set for election night with my giant CNN-inspired election coverage screen. Sure it's just a piece of construction paper that I'll use to write either "Baby" or "Cards" on when the poll closes, but it's big, and that's what the people tune in for.
Just know that whatever happens from here on out is on each and every one of your beautiful shoulders.
Blow it, and the repercussions will be startlingly severe...and may involve the film Lords of Dogtown.