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Cardinal football by the numbers

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A bye week coupled with the disappointment of last Friday's loss has left us with nothing productive or particularly interesting to discuss (side note: How do you guys feel about the football team's new head coach? Doing a good job? Doing a bad job? Still too early to tell? We should probably spend the next week and-a-half talking about that because I'm sure it's a dialogue that will result in a unanimous conclusion we all find pleasing).

I'm not in the mood to make up anything appropriately cheeky (read: annoying), and the restrictions I've put in place in order to keep my premature basketballulation from doing more damage to the city than Ike three weeks ago don't allow me to write about the sport extensively yet, so this morning you get numbers. It's like an un-frosted strawberry pop tart (second side note: the pop tart people have been frosting their strawberry product since like '88, if you try to pawn the original off on me in any setting, I will throw shit and make you cry).

National rankings are the numbers in parentheses.


Rushing Offense: 212.75 ypg (18)
Passing Offense: 222.5 ypg (52)
Scoring Offense: 28 ppg (61)
Rushing Defense: 70.75 ypg (11)
Pass Efficiency Defense: 109.08 (39)
Total Defense: 252 ypg (13)
Scoring Defense: 23 ppg (60)
Net Punting: 29.64 (113)
Punt Returns: 7.71 ypr (76)
Kickoff Returns: 14.70 ypr (118)
Turnover Margin: -.25 (T-75)
Pass Defense: 181.25 ypg (35)
Passing Efficiency: 119.16 (78)
Sacks: 1.25 pg (81)
Tackles For Loss: 5.5 pg (63)
Sacks Allowed: 1.75 pg (65)

Individual Rankings

Rushing: Victor Anderson - 105.25 ypg (T-20)
Passing Efficiency: Hunter Cantwell - 120.38 (77)
Total Offense: Hunter Cantwell - 207.5 ypg (59)
Receptions Per Game: Doug Beaumont - 7.25 (T-10)
Receptions Per Game: Josh Chichester - 4.25 (T-97)
Receiving Yards Per Game: Doug Beaumont - 96.25 (19)
Interceptions Per Game: Woodny Turenne - .5 (T-24)
Punting: Cory Goettsche - 38.18 ypp (74)
Punt Returns: Doug Beaumont - 8.6 ypr (47)
Scoring: Victor Anderson - 9.0 ppg (T-31)
All-Purpose Runners: Victor Anderson - 121.0 ypg (66)
All-Purpose Runners: Doug Beaumont - 110.0 ypg (T-88)
Sacks Per Game: Maurice Mitchell - .5 (T-74)
Sacks Per Game: Earl Heyman - .5 (T-74)
Tackles For Loss Per Game: L.D. Scott - 1.25 (T-40)


--Wow, we really suck on special teams. Jesus, 118th on kick returns? How many teams are there in D-1, like 175? There's 119? Eat all of that, Kansas.

--Ron English rules.

--Doug Beaumont rules slightly more effectively.

--When do you think was the last time we ranked outside of the top 50 in passing offense? I was gonna say yesterday, but that's only because I'm a smart ass.

--My god we suck on special teams.