1. Ohio State: Color me impressed.
2. Arizona State: Me thinks they won't be here next week (3 for 3 on the year).
3. Boston College: Matt Ryan is the front-runner for the Heisman? Surely no one told you that three weeks ago.
4. Oregon: Dennis Dixon stars in: "Saying No to the Trojans"...these Dennis Dixon sounds like a porn star name jokes doing anything for you?
5. LSU: Which performance exactly is it that has everyone convinced beyond the shadow of a doubt that this is the best one-loss team in the country?
6. Oklahoma: No one touches them in the next four weeks.
7. West Virginia: Rut roh, somebody learned how to play defense.
8. Kansas: I actually watched an entire Kansas game on Saturday and my bandwagonness has increased exponentially.
9. Missouri: 2-2 to end the season.
10. Connecticut: Wins are wins...even wins when you actually lost...to Temple. Have I mentioned that they cheat? Because they cheat.
11. Georgia: I would take pride in predicting the Bulldog victory, but for some odd reason it seemed like everybody was making the same "bold" upset pick.
12. Virginia Tech: And the "from here on out I hate all these teams" cut-off point moved to 12 this week.
13. South Florida: So maybe like buy a bunch of big fans and get the temperature below 60 in Tampa before going North next year.
14. Michigan: It's nice that they're winning games, but every time I watch them play still don't look all that more impressive than the team I saw in the first two weeks of the season.
15. Alabama: Because of their reasonable and well-read fan base.
16. USC: Tryna get to you and that Booty.
17. Auburn: Whatever bowl game they play in is going to rank low when the magazines do their rankings of most entertaining bowl games from 1-173 - because that's how many bowl games there are now, 173.
18. Wake Forest: At least one of us is recovering from the dreaded Orange Bowl hangover.
19. Florida: Would still beat Ohio State by double digits.
20. Texas: They're just not that good.
21. Virginia: Hey now, hey now, don't dream it's over.
22. Wisconsin: Have they played in like three weeks?
23. California: How much longer can those Oregon and Tennessee wins keep them around? Tune in next week to find out.
24. Boise State: You think they're not good enough to belong here until they pop out from behind a tree and hook-and-lateral all over your face.
25. Hawaii: How many D-1 teams have they played, like two? Is this their transitional season, or what's the deal here?