1. Ohio State: It's only fitting that the least impressive number one team in history heads up the least impressive top 25 in history. Seriously, at this point I'm completely convinced that no one is any good.
2. Boston College: Playing for the first time in like five weeks. They're the Colorado Rockies of college football.
3. Oregon: Dennis Dixon stars in: "It's Impossible to Keep Me From Scoring"
4. Arizona State: Plummer's still playing QB right?
5. LSU: We had 16 seconds left? We had a timeout left? He'd been open all night? He might win the national championship but Les Miles is a moron.
6. South Florida: And 75,000 experts boast about how awesome they are for predicting an upset.
7. Kansas: How many times in his coaching career do you think Mangino has had a player talk back to him when he's made the team run sprints or got on them for being out of shape?
8. Oklahoma: I think it's time for us all to get over the Utah State drubbing and start looking at how pedestrian they've been for the last four weeks.
9. West Virginia: I'm calling it right now: we're going to beat South Florida and hand these guys the conference.
10. Missouri: I don't know him, and I've only heard him speak a handful of times, but I don't think anyone with the name "Chase Daniel" can be a nice person.
11. Virginia Tech: I can't bring myself to root for these criminals, but if they win on Thursday it will contribute to all the chaos.
12. Florida: Would this guy be getting the same amount of attention if his name were "Tim Jorgensen?"
13. USC: The fact that a 38-0 win over Notre Dame is now merely taking care of business makes me feel funny, like when I used to climb the rope in gym class.
14. California: Such a California season.
15. Kentucky: We're really not that different, you and I...I'm trying to say your defense sucks.
16. Virginia: This marks the point in the poll where I hate the rest of the teams from here on out. You can argue about where they're ranked or the fact that they're on the ballot at all, and I won't say anything in my defense.
17. South Carolina: Told ya.
18. Texas: Remember Kevin Durant?
19. Auburn: Easily the best three-loss team in the country, which guarantees you a trip to a bowl against a 7-5 Big Ten or Pac 10 team.
20. Connecticut: Sure they haven't beaten anyone (sigh), but being 6-1 with your only loss coming by one-point to UVA gives the Huskies reason to believe they belong here for the moment. Also, they cheat.
21. Michigan: Wow, 21? Really?
22. Georgia: Wow, 22? Really?
23. Rutgers: There was an Eric Foster sighting Thursday night. Nice of him to show up before the season ended.
24. UCLA: Someone told me that all teams that surrender over 40 points in losses to Utah are awesome.
25. Alabama: Don't get too excited, Tennessee is the new Louisville.