1. Ohio State: What the fuck was that?
2. Michigan: Yeah, so if the season had ended three weeks ago this would be appropriate behavior, but since it didn't you might want to act accordingly.
3. Louisville: If you would have told us there would be an increase in Louisville bashing the week after the Cards put up 44 and beat West Virginia by 10 we wouldn't have believed you.
4. Auburn: Do they bore anyone else?
5. Texas: On one side they've got the 105th best pass defense in the country and as many impressive wins over quality opponents as we do. On the other they have a Longhorn on their helmet.
6. Florida: Looking more and more like they're just as suspect as they were early in the season.
7. USC: No other team is being carried more by their first two games.
We've decided that there aren't enough chicks on this site, so here are the USC cheerleaders with a tribute to the world of agriculture.
8. Cal: If enough teams in front of them stumble, then the Bears might be able to get themselves in a position where they could jump an undefeated Louisville.
9. Arkansas: He was night putting, just putting at night with the fifteen-year-old daughter of the Dean... You know who that guy was Danny? It was Mitch Mustain my roomate. He was a good guy.
10. West Virginia: Please beat everyone else convincingly.
11. LSU: So try not to think about what might have been. Cause that was then...
12. Tennessee: We now know that if Erik Ainge gets hurt or does a premature Gator chop then the Vols are in trouble.
13. Notre Dame: Have they played in like two months? Oh yeah that Sammardzaadiajjia guy did that thing in that game and they won, that's right. So they haven't lost since Michigan? Alright well we guess they can chill here.
14. Rutgers: The guy who's been in a coma since 2004 who finally woke up and immediately checked this site just flipped his shit.
15. Boise State: You haven't heard any of those crazy "a bird flew into the smurf turf thinking it was water" stories in a while. Maybe they're learning. On a related note, how pissed do you think college football video game programmers are that they have to change the color of the field for one team every year?
16. Wisonsin: You know you've reached the boring part of the top 25 when the Badgers pop in to say what's up. And then they sit down and put their feet up on the ottoman and start talking about relationship problems, God this is going to be a long afternoon. We were going to finally watch Citizen Kane, but it looks like we're going to have to postpone, again. And of course you can't bring yourselves to turn them away because they're so nice and you know how easily they get upset. Ugh, why do we have to care about other people's feelings so much? Is there any way we could fake an emergency...
17. Wake Forest: Didn't think they were good enough to get by BC, so they get extra points for surprising us.
18. Oklahoma: Bob Stoops has balls the size of a larger animal's balls. We've always sucked at testicular similes.
19. Oregon: Dennis Dixon stars in Spearms of Endearment.
20. Texas A&M: So close to 10-0, yet so far from beating anyone of any consequence.
21. Maryland: Hot seat? More like really comfortable place for a fat guy to get even fatter seat.
22. Virginia Tech: Bonus points for not murdering an elected official yet.
23. BYU: Translating seer stones in a hat? That's silly.
24. Georgia Tech: Reggie Ball sucks. See, wouldn't it be a lot easier if they could just say that on ESPN?
25. Oregon State: Someone once told us that Beaver is a nickname for a backhand winner in tennis. That someone was CBS Sports' Jim Spanarkel.