---At approximately 11:27 Eastern Standard Time last night, Matt "Gunner" Grothe passed away and was reborn as Matt "Chotch McBride" Grothe.
Yes it was the same freshman quarterback whose talent and grit had warranted the nickname "Gunner" earlier in the year who stood before the press just moments removed from a bad loss in which he looked neither talented nor gritty, and said of the Louisville team that had just shellacked his Bulls 31-8: "We didn't play very well, we lost. They weren't as good as I thought they were going to be.''
So even though you spent the majority of the game looking directly at the sky or ground, were sacked six times, completed less than 50% of your passes (15-of-31), ran for -18 yards despite entering the game as your team's leading rusher, and saw the offense you spearhead held scoreless until mop-up time, you still weren't impressed? Cool, just checking.
But not all the blame can be placed on the young chotchy shoulders of McBride, for sources close to the troubled freshman tell us that he has spent the last three weeks reading Fatu Turituri's Guide to Handling Post-Game Press Conferences After Embarrassing Performances.
Of course it was Turituri who, after watching Elvis Dumervil humiliate him and the rest of the Wildcat offensive line by sacking Andre Woodson six times in last year's Battle for the Governor's Cup, famously said of the eventual Nagurski Award winner: "He's really not that good, he's very blockable. He's not really a good player, we were just missing assignments."
Put the book down young man, no good can come of it.
---In other news, yes Cincinnati, yes.
Perhaps now the persistent nightmares of Greg Schiano chopping
our wood will stop.
Now before we finish writing the names of the people on the invitations to our BCS Selection Show party in calligraphy (God we want to sooo bad), we need to come to the realization that a road game on Thanksgiving weekend against a team with a solid passing game provides ample opportunity for this to be screwed up yet again. Still, at least for the time being joy reigns supreme in Card Chronicle headquarters yet again.
---We have an update on our "what qualifies as a great game between two very good top five teams" story from a few weeks back.
New studies have shown that two very successful undefeated teams known almost solely for their awe-inspiring offenses producing 1,008 yards of total offense and 78 points = A game of "horrendous defense," and can only consist of two teams "probably not worthy of playing for the national championship."
BUT, two very highly regarded teams, one regarded thusly almost entirely because of its "impenetrable" defense, and the other whose "not too shabby" defense was the key in their other big win of the season, producing 900 yards of total offense and 81 points = "Instant classic," "worthy of a rematch," and "two teams proving they are without a doubt the best in the country."
Just so you know.
---Kentucky, the number two team in the SEC East (giggle) gave up 501 yards to Louisiana Monroe (2-8 and second to last....in the Sun Belt) and hung on for a 42-40 win over the Warhawks at home.
For the record (and we have to do this, it's part of our job):
Florida Atlantic 21, Louisiana Monroe 19
Arkansas State 10, Louisana Monroe 6
Troy 24, Louisiana Monroe 19
MTSU 35, Louisiana Monroe 21
Arkansas 44, Louisiana Monroe 10
Enjoy the bowl game though, you've totally earned it.
---And then on the more "wild, wild" side of the SEC, LSU "the best two loss team in the country" needed overtime to take out 3-8 Ole Miss...in Tiger Stadium. We won't give examples, but yeah, the Rebs suck.
LSU is actually one of the $EC teams that we can stomach at times, but we've been listening to extremely annoying SEC backers all night so we're stepping in the box with the green light here. If it helps, we think "Bayou Bengals" is a really cool nickname.
---Art Carmody for Heisman.