We were unable to make it out to the game yesterday (sore subject), so we decided to chronicle (TM) what we thought would be a relaxed game viewing. We did this a couple of times during basketball season, and it's usually a fun thing to do for games that aren't going to fully require us to will the team to victory from home or the stands.
We warn you, what you're about to see here is not pretty. You may have some ugly memories from yesterday come back that you had already repressed. This may be too much to handle for some of our younger readers who didn't fully experience the Ron Cooper years and are still having a hard time coming to grips with some of the things that happened a day ago. We thnk our friend Danny put it best, "I felt like I was on Thunder Run without a seatbelt." Thunder Run without a seatbelt indeed.
Please read with caution.
3:30- Brohm's starting. Nervous level just went up about 100 points.
3:35- Tomczak's keys to the game suck.
3:36- Have we not kicked off to start a game in three years? How do we always win the toss, or use crazy mind control techniques to get the other team to kick off? It's quite amazing.
3:36- Spillman and Stripling deep? Love Spillman back there, would like to see Guy with him.
3:37- Anthony Allen starts and gets the ball on the first play. We're overcome with happiness right now.
3:37- Brohm hits Urrutia for about 18 yards after completing a screen pass to AA on the first play, we're feeling quite good.
3:41- We haven't completed a screen pass to Kolby Smith since he's been here.
3:41- If we're going to run the ball on 4th and 2, which we shouldn't, then Kolby Smith is the last person we want to see carrying the ball.
3:42- That good feeling is gone.
3:45- If Tomczak says "horse tail hair" one more time, we're going to punch ourselves really hard in the stomach and throw up Taco Bell everywhere.
3:47- Seriously. Pat Carter. Stop trying to ruin our lives. For the love of God give us JaJuan Spillman before we cut our ear off. Hell give us Kurt Quarterman, or no one for that matter.
3:50- Thank you for not throwing. Cincinnati 3, Louisville-0.
3:53- It's the CardinalS Armstrong, CardinalS not CardinaL. One of our biggest announcing pet peeves.
3:57- Stripling fumbles. Sure we said not to freak out if it's ugly early, but God damnit we're freaking out.
4:03- Cincinnati kicker shanks a 37-yard FG. If we do this shit against a team with an offense made up of a guys that have fully functioning motor skills then we might be in trouble.
4:05- Gary Barnidge has a future in accounting, if only because of his name.
4:06- Three-and-out, two dropped passes. We haven't looked this out of it since our conference opener last year.
4:07- If we were a Cincinnati fan, we'd be furious right now. This is the least exciting offensive scheme in the history of college football.
4:09- Carter is still deep! Outrage thy name is, uh, me.
4:10- Why has Anthony Allen not gotten a carry? He starts, gets a nice gain on a screen and that's the last we hear from him?
4:11- End of the 1st quarter. Cincinnati 3, Louisville 0.
4:12- How in the hell does Proactive afford all these celebrities and all this ad time? They're like the Darryl Isaacs of acne solution products.
4:14- Stripling goes for a huge gain on a screen. Perhaps George should be the new screen play guy.
4:16- Mario even makes almost catches look cool.
4:16- JaJuanna catch the ball??? Play was perfectly set up to for a big gain and Spillman just doesn't look it in. Christ fellas.
4:17- ANTHONY CARMODY?!?! Armstrong I'm going to cut you, I'm going to cut you deep.
4:18- ART Carmody does what he does. 3-3.
4:24- Another pet peeve: DB's celebrating like they did something when the receiver they were covering drops a pass. Stop it Gavin Smart.
4:27- We love you Jon Russell. He's more than just a trick play defender ladies and gentlemen.
4:31- Adrian Peterson out for the year, best wishes for a speedy recovery.
4:33- We can't stop UC on 3rd down, this is getting really annoying.
4:35- UC caps the longest drive in the history of the world with a TD that makes the score 10-3 with 5:55 to go in the second. This is officially not fun.
4:38- Just changed shorts. Hopefully this is the spark the team needs.
4:40- Brohm hits Harry Douglass on a deep post for 30 yards. Before the play we said "play action, deep over the middle like the Mario stiff arm play against Miami." Basically we're awesome.
4:43- We went to Buffalo Wild Wings last night. Nobody did the wave.
4:46- George Bussey has made us mad all day. His holding penalty may kill this drive.
4:47- Mario drops an easy catch. We've officially gone to that dark place we don't talk about much.
4:48- Brohm has a man open in the endzone, but he looks rattled and throws incomplete to Urrutia. 4th and 20.
4:49- Carmody 42 yard FG. 10-6, 3:02 left in the half.
4:51- Cincinnati returns kick to the 40 and sadly we're relieved. Where has Todd Flannery's leg gone?
4:52- Greg Moore beaks three tackles and runs for 18 yards. We're almost two quarters in and our guys still can't seem to comprehend that if you don't decide to play, you will lose.
4:52- FUMBLE!!! LATARRIUS!!!. Player of the game, you bet your ass. Alright, come on Brian.
4:55- Apparently Cincinnati has made a conscious decision to not cover Mario Urrutia.
4:59- There have been more unncecessary measurements in this game than we've ever seen im our life. 1st and goal from the 1.
4:59- Touchdown. Brohm to Barnidge, 13-10 Cards. OK, but we're still mad at you.
5:00- Wow that was the worst play-fake in history, Quarterman almost killed Brohm. I wish kickoffs weren't a part of football.
5:04- Halftime, Louisville 13, Cincinnati 10. Oy.
5:04- Peterson gets hurt in the first game his dad has seen him play in 9 years, just awful.
5:15- Just had reassuring halftime convos with a friend and our oldest brother. Their soothing words have us settled down for the time being.
5:26- How can our kickoff coverage consistently be this bad?
5:28- UC converts a 3rd and three, pretty easy to do when your running back starts moving seven seconds before the ball is snapped.
5:31- Nate Harris makes a big play to prevent another first down. Louisville takes over from their own 20 after the touchback.
5:34- Intentional grounding on Brohm. 2nd and 25 from our own 5, our first drive of the half is already over.
5:35- UC takes over at the Louisville 40. We're starting to think that there is actually a possibility that Louisville could lose this game.
5:37- CARDINALS ARMSTRONG YOU SON OF A BITCH.
5:41- I don't care what these morons say, the UC player did not have possession before he lost the ball. Cards take over after the punt.
5:42- Screens to Stripling work, we should keep doing that.
5:44- Allen gets his first carry, it doesn't go so well.
5:45- They say you can tell how well a quarterback is playing just by looking at his feet. Brian is not having good feet day.
5:46- Mario almost gets decapitated while the ball is in the air, apparently this does not warrant a penalty.
5:50- I don't think Cincinnati is even trying to score at this point, they're just hoping for another Pat Carter fumble or a kick return. Actually not that bad a strategy.
5:52- Brohm to Gary Barnidge for 61 yards. Let's get 6 here boys.
5:52- TOUCHDOWN BABY BUSH!!! Anthony Allen should play both ways...and return kicks...and punts...basically he should do everything but kick field goals and extra points because, come on, you don't mess with perfection.
5:56- Who is Greg Moore and why can't anyone on our defense tackle him?
6:01- End of the third quarter. Louisville 20, Cincinnati 10. We need some cheap late TD's to at least make this look good.
6:07- Another missed Bearcat FG. We're no longer worried about losing, just national perception and the small fact that we didn't show up against a lesser opponent for the second straight week.
6:10- Brohm underthrows Urrutia on what would have been a sure TD, luckily Mario is interfered with for the second straight play. On second look we may have gotten away with one here.
6:11- Brock Bolen runs for a first down, and we're pretty sure kills a man in the process.
6:13- Brohm picked off. Hopefully this is a `getting it out of his system' scenario.
6:17- Cincinnati refuses to try anything that might result in a touchdown on offense.
6:17- 34-10 would look good, we need two scores.
6:19- Tomczak just made a Mr. Ed joke when Armstrong was talking about the greatest race horse of their generation. This is the most unpleasant game viewing I've had since I had all my fingernails ripped off by a Chinese torture expert in a dark Hong Kong basement while a Braves/Mets game was being shown on a small TV about 50-feet away.
6:25- Anthony Allen catches a deep pass. I wonder if this guy likes the movie 54? If so we should totally watch it together some time.
6:29- Carmody field goal, 23-10 Louisville with 6:09 left. 30-10 would be ok.
6:31- Apparently Jeff Brohm is 19-of-35 passing thus far today. These guys are fucking terrible.
6:34- Cincinnati is actually a decent offensive team on third down.
6:37- Touchdown Cincinnati. OK there's no way this is going to look good, let's just make sure we win.
6:38- If Cincinnati hadn't missed two field goals this game would be tied. If we win you can thank Art Carmody.
6:40- Surprised to see UC kick deep. Up to Louisville's offense to win this game.
6:40- It's the most critical time in the game and Anthony Allen is carrying the ball, pretty telling.
6:42- Harry Douglass with a big catch for 25 yards, but it's brought back after a block in the back by Giacomini. I don't think we want to win.
6:44- Brock Bolen with a big run for a first down. Brock is rapidly climbing in our "people we wish had our backs" list.
6:47- Cincinnati is going to get the ball back with a chance to win the game. We just started crying in the middle of typing that sentence.
6:53- Cincinnati fumbles and the referees have no idea who recovers so they give it to Cincinnati. This is brutal.
6:54- QB Sneak, Cincinnati first down at the 30 with a minute and a half left.
6:55- 4th down, come on, please just let us know we're going to win.
6:56- First down UC across midfield. Is this really happening? This is the season.
6:57- First down UC to the UL 35.
6:58- First down Cincinnati at the UL 17, Grutza spikes the ball with 17 seconds left. I feel like I'm in some sort of evil alternate universe where Louisville might lose this game.
7:00- OMG he had a guy wide open. 3rd and 10 coming up.
7:01- My heart is beating really strangely, now I'm scared for two reasons.
7:01- 4th down. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY, GET A STOP.
7:03- NO SIR!!! Louisville wins 23-17.
7:06- Alright we had our minute of celebration now we're pissed again. We said the K-State game was a good, gritty, defensive win. We said MTSU was a throw away game. This game was just bad, no excuse for almost losing to Cincinnati at home. Time to either drink or lay down, everybody have fun breathing tonight.
Peace, love, Cards.