FanPost

Pitino resigns!

In a hastily called press conference this morning, Rick Pitino announced that he is stepping down as head basketball coach at the University of Louisville effective immediately.

Reading from a prepared statement, the 62-year-old coach opened, "I really am sorry I've not been able to deliver to [Athletic Director] Tom [Jurich] and the fans another NCAA championship. Michigan State sure took care of that for me. Some fans think two years has been way too long not to win the big one. But in basketball as in life, things change and fresh blood is needed. So I guess it's time for me to get the hell out of the way. Bring in the new. I think Brad Stevens is going to do a great job. Most of all, I want to thank the people of Louisville for their long support over these last fourteen years. Geez, it flew by like - like any other game day, but it's meant everything to me and I've had a great ride. Too good a ride for any one man. I'm going to miss you all. Thank you."

Amid the applause, Jurich was heard to mutter, "I'm going to miss that arrogant SOB."

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MKultra

Departing from his notes, Pitino added, "I almost forgot. In thinking about change, I guess I felt it was time for me to change too. You know, like an old vampire, I need a new blood supply. It was the 2013 championship team that taught me how to give it another shot. So starting today, I am returning to the Big East and taking over as head coach of the DePaul Blue Demons. Why? Because they're giving me full control of the athletic department. How can I pass that up? I guess the bigger I get, the more ridiculous. But hoping not to make a fool of myself out there, I have just persuaded Montrezl Harrell to give college one more year. He will earn his degree over the summer and join me as the starting power forward of the Blue Demons. So, Mr. J, I look forward to seeing you next year in the NCAA Tournament and calling it what it always was and still is: a game. Let's keep it that way. So long, everybody. Fear the D!"

With that, Pitino dropped the mic and walked off.