Hello Card Chronicle.
Just in case you have lost perspective and forgotten how strong of a writer and entertainer our leader, Mike Rutherford, is, I present to you this anecdote.
I have to admit that I frequent KSR to glimpse into the psyche of the UK fan base. Today, Matt Jones posted a story concerning Russ Smith and an incident that took place at Qdoba. Below is the text from that story.
If you listen to the radio show, you know it is no secret, I like Qdoba. The combination of chicken, queso, brown rice and black beans is enough to make even the most mediocre day turn positive. But it can also be a place of mass tension, especially when one wanders into the Bardstown Road branch late at night. Case in point, the alleged incident with Russ Smith and that troublemaker “Jonesy528″. The Louisville guard went into a Qdoba and according to the tweeter, he was hit by a paper airplane. Jonesy then tweeted he did it and Russ Smith responded (at 4:45 am) by letting Mr. 528 know that if said incident had occurred, he “wuddve smacked you.” Jonesy responded in a later tweet that “you didnt because it was when you were walking up the stairs”, suggesting that someone is not telling the truth. Either Russdiculous was hit by an airplane and let it go, or Jonesy528 talked a big game but actually did nothing, the truth isn’t clear.
Leaving aside the wonderful spelling of “would have” (making the usual UL fan attacks I get confusing “your” and “you’re” seem tame), the reaction by Smith doesn’t bother me. Had Mr. 528 hit Russ Smith with a paper airplane (for no crime other than enjoying a delicious late night snack), then some form of reaction would be understandable. You don’t hit people with projectile objects simply because they happen to play for the most objectionable basketball team in the world…it just isn’t kosher. Russ has since taken the tweet down, but luckily we have the screen image above to remember it forever.
Let this be a reminder to everyone…in the playful war of UK vs UL, some things are off limits…wives, children and when you are eating in restaurants. This isn’t the Godfather…let the man eat his burrito in peace, or risk the possibility of a paper airplane smackdown coming your way.
You will notice that Mr. Jones takes a swipe at the UofL fan base suggesting that the usual Cardinal fan struggles with the usage of the words "your" and "you're." I normally glance at KSR while sometimes reading the posts, but rarely do I make a comment. However, today I drew the line. Below is the comment that I left for Mr. Jones. It will take a minute to read, but I believe it is worth it. I have yet to hear back from him. Hope you enjoy. Remember: Mike Rutherford is one in a million.
New rule: from now on, when you criticize the language arts skills of UofL fans, either proofread your posts or return to law school, or your undergraduate work, or high school, or middle school, take a course that helps you to better communicate through writing, and then proofread your posts so that you don't look like a hypocritical fool.
[If you listen to the radio show, you know it is no secret, I like Qdoba.]
- Either the comma between "secret" and "I" should be removed or changed to a semicolon.
[The combination of chicken, queso, brown rice and black beans]
- A comma is required between "rice" and "black."
[Case in point, the alleged incident with Russ Smith and that troublemaker “Jonesy528″.]
- The subordinate phrase "Case in point" should have a colon after it, not a comma. Shouldn't you know this if you were taught how to discuss court "cases" through writing during your time at Duke University's law school?
- I'm crossing my fingers that the high school you attended taught you that a punctuation mark belongs on the inside of a set of quotation marks. Your ability to execute the punctuation mark correctly when citing Smith's tweet later in the paragraph (he “wuddve smacked you.”) leads me to believe that you are one of those people that doesn't know the grammatical rule and switches back and forth between the inside and the outside of the quotation marks so that you are correct half of the time. That makes me giggle a little. That actually makes me giggle a lot. Your confusion makes you seem unsure and weak. To further confirm my notion, you return to placing the punctuation mark outside of the quotation marks just one sentence later (Jonesy responded in a later tweet that “you didnt because it was when you were walking up the stairs”,). Back and forth, back and forth like a scared, uneducated child.
[Either Russdiculous was hit by an airplane and let it go, or Jonesy528 talked a big game but actually did nothing, the truth isn’t clear.]
- A semicolon should replace the comma between "nothing" and "the truth." I know that semicolons can be confusing, but when used properly, they can really enhance the texture of your writing, Matt.
[Had Mr. 528 hit Russ Smith with a paper airplane (for no crime other than enjoying a delicious late night snack), then some form of reaction would be understandable.]
- I don't believe you want (or need) a parenthetical in this sentence. Review the previous sentence for an appropriate instance to use a parenthetical. Not your previous sentence, but rather my previous sentence.
- "For no crime other than" suggests that eating a "late night snack" is a crime. In fact, it is not. The sentence is misleading to readers, and a sentence reading "Had Mr. 528 hit Russ Smith with a paper airplane for no reason other than his enjoying of a delicious late night snack, then some form of reaction would be understandable" would better serve the point you are painfully attempting to make. Again, isn't "crime" a legal term? What were you doing at Duke?
[the most objectionable basketball team in the world…it just isn’t kosher.]
- Uh oh. Here come the misused ellipses. The punctuation mark is used inappropriately three more times in the post.
[the most objectionable basketball team in the world…it just isn’t kosher.]
- The ellipses should be replaced by a semicolon. There's that damned semicolon again, Matt.
[Let this be a reminder to everyone…in the playful war of UK vs UL, some things are off limits…wives, children and when you are eating in restaurants.]
- Oh goody: a two-for-one! The first ellipses should be replaced by a semicolon. The second should be replaced by a colon. And, of course, there should exist a comma between the words "children" and "when" due to the grammatical rules of a series. I will spare you the lecture on parallel structure in relation to the aforementioned series that completes your sentence (if you can call it a sentence). What do you know? Another successful use of the parenthetical can be found in the previous sentence.
[This isn’t the Godfather…let the man eat his burrito in peace,]
- The ellipses should be replaced by a period and the "l" in "let" should be capitalized to begin a new sentence. Varying your sentence structure or syntax can be an effective way to draw your reader into your writing, Matt.
I believe that will conclude your tutoring lesson for the day, Mr. Jones. Before you choose to criticize the spelling and writing skills of the UofL fan base, a fan base of which I am admittedly a part, and a fan base that I have no doubt is made up of some members who are unable to communicate well through their writing, just as I have proven some members of the Wildcat fan base are unable, please proofread your future contributions to your site. I enjoy coming to KSR for UK and college basketball news, and I take site-criticisms aimed at the UofL fan base for what they are: good-natured rival bashing. However, if you are going to criticize UofL's fans for something, you will have to come with a stronger rhetorical and grammatical argument in order to avoid future tutoring lessons.
The email I provided is real in the event that you would like to respond personally to my comment. I dare you to not delete this comment from the comment section. Either way, this comment will also be available on Card Chronicle.
[Russ has since taken the tweet down, but luckily we have the screen image above to remember it forever.]
Don't edit or take down this post. Let's see how the readers of KSR respond. Either way, I've got a screen shot too.
Good luck moving forward,
Your vs. You're