Let's celebrate America, our city, UofL, and Derby all at once, shall we?

A friend from work writes a Derby poem every year that includes the name of every horse running in the Derby. I've always been fascinated by his ability to write such a piece and he convinced me to give it a shot. Due to some free time this week as I served Jury Duty, I went ahead and wrote my own. The results are as follows...

139th Kentucky Derby
May 4, 2013

I can't help but notice a run on names relating to LINES OF BATTLE. Take a moment to think of our troops - and thank our troops - from the REVOLUTIONARY war, the NORMANDY INVASION, to today's ongoing defense of our nation. We know these guys and gals without hesitation or fear WILL TAKE CHARGE and allow us to live the privileged lives we are able to do everyday. One of those privileges of course being this fine Derby Day at one of the most beautiful sports arenas in the world - famed Churchill Downs. There's nothing quite like the ORB of excitement surrounding Louisville this time of year. Speaking of our fine city, happy 233rd birthday to the City of Louisville. Just this past week we celebrated the city's founding as a government in 1780 by Thomas Jefferson. But today, we celebrate the 139th running of the Kentucky Derby – the most exciting two minutes in sports.

So here we are, this year the first Saturday in May happens to fall on the fourth. May the fourth be with you to those Star Wars fans placing wagers today; I hope by Saturday night you are thinking ITSMYLUCKYDAY. By all means, show your GOLDEN SOUL and put those winnings back in the local economy and enjoy what the wonderful city of Louisville has to offer.

It's been a big few months in this city. We love our college sports around here and who's doing things better than Tom Jurich and crew at UofL right now? Sorry Big Blue Nation, a down year in Lexington and some success for the guys in red and you think we're living under a FALLING SKY! You've got yours, and more to come in the future. A major part of the UofL success is Rick Pitino. Though only 5% ownership, stakes in a Derby horse is still cause for excitement. Add that to coaching his way to the 2013 NCAA men's basketball championship (and the shoulder ink to forever prove it!), his son landing a major head coaching position in the Big Ten, and induction to the basketball hall of fame... dude is on a roll this year! To bet against his current good luck streak shows you have no common GOLDENCENTS!

Back to the battlefield theme, and I hate to OVERANALYZE hypothetical situations, but without the PALACE MALICE in November of 2004 the Indiana Pacers, could've, should've, and would've made a GIANT FINISH to the season and been NBA championship contenders. But that was years ago, maybe this year NBA all-star Paul George and company can VYJACK the Eastern Conference from the Heat and Knicks seeded above them and get themselves into the NBA Finals later this month. They are currently in a tough series with Atlanta, it's about time to pull out the OXBOW-and-arrow and stop those Hawks from flying high. But I digress from the sport we're here to celebrate.

So who are these horses? We've got a fella who's four for four in his racing career but with a bit of an odd racing schedule. Why is it odd? Check this out... only one other time has a horse won the Kentucky Derby without running a race as a two-year old. VERRAZANO could do it; he's the second choice and could be the favorite by post-time. This week marked the passing of Chris Kelly, one half of the 90s rap duo Kris Kross. Maybe FRAC DADDY could make ya jump, jump for joy if you decide to wager in memoriam. Not a long shot but not a favorite so a well-placed wager on the number six horse could have you running to the window proclaiming "Give me MYLUTE!" Any time there’s twenty of these massive creatures on the track we expect a JAVA’S WAR of attrition to fight through the crowd, which makes me think this is no place for a CHARMING KITTEN of a thoroughbred. And we know there are no worries in this field since FEAR THE KITTEN was bumped out and is now just an ‘Also-Eligible’ in the program.

Get out your finest Derby hat, charm yourself with some nice jewelry – maybe it features some BLACK ONYX? – and enjoy this holiday. Have a mint julep or three and a wonderful Derby Day. Maybe raise a double Old Fitz on ice in honor of our hometown Gonzo journalist Hunter S. Thompson. As he put it in his1970 titled piece... "The Kentucky Derby is Decadent and Depraved." But honestly, would we have it any other way?
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