The Cardinal Guide To Indianapolis

Maxx Wolfson

Welcome, CARDS fans to INDIENGAPOLIS! As you all head out from historic Russ Arena and up to the massive Luuuuuke-us Oil Stadium, we hope these words offer some advice and help for your trip.


  • It is about a two hour drive straight up Interstate-65, or three hours on the more scenic US-31 that goes through such lovely places as Sellersburg and Seymour... take I-65.
  • You may be tempted on the way to stop in Columbus which is noted for it's unique architecture and for not being the capital of Ohio, or in Edinburgh which is noted for the massive outlet mall your wife spends all her money at to keep you from looking like a bum
  • Once in Indy, I-65 turns into the Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds Expressway (I shit you not), keep going north past I-465 toward downtown
  • Once downtown, take Exit 110(B) to I-70W (toward St. Louis) and then get off I-70 at the next exit 79(A) to West Street, the stadium is the massive building that takes up the half of the city not taken up by the Eli Lilly headquarters (those who have been there know what I mean)
  • There is a ton of parking downtown in garages that are modestly priced, and free street parking... its really not that complex of a city
  • Indianapolis has a Yellow Cab company at (317) 487-7777... I don't think they'll drive your drunk ass back to Middletown, though.


Check out:


Fine Dining:

  • St Elmo's Steakhouse... literally the best steakhouse in the United States
  • Fogo de Chao, Brazilian food and about a brazilion dollars, too
  • Oceanaire Seafood Room.... because when I think Indiana, I think seafood
  • Harry & Izzy's, a little bit of everything and laid back
  • Urban Spoon's got the scoop

Decent Dining:

  • Sahm's Tavern... nice little pub
  • Greek Village on W. New York St... oh-pa, or whatever, you're in the Midwest, there are no Greeks
  • Ralph's Great Divide, nice burger joint
  • Acapulco Joe's Mexican Grill... who doesn't trust a Mexican dude named Joe?
  • Just walk around... you're in Indianapolis, the whole city is an Applebee's commercial

Drunk o'clock:

  • Maxine's Chicken & Waffles... my dear sweet lord
  • Downtown Olly's... it's like Ollie's Trolley in Old Louisville, except the food is up to the health code and hopefully you won't get too murdered while you're there
  • Sonny's Pizza (Indy's Spinellis)
  • City Cafe on N. Pennsylvania Street... its got it all
  • Again, Urban Spoon


First, this is only for places downtown, but the Broadripple neighborhood north of town is an excellent place for the younger crowd... it's like Bardstown Road except colder and less bourbon-y. Anyways, back downtown...

For men who like beer:

  • Stadium Tavern... it's by the stadium and it has beer
  • Bakersfield at Bakersfield... a Mexican-influenced brew spot
  • Bourbon Street Distillery (also serves some mean grub)
  • Again, just walk around... Indiana may not be Wisconsin, but they still make some good brews around there

For men who like to dance:

  • First of all, you're in Indianapolis, so f--- you
  • Bu Da Lounge... Asian influenced night life, whatever that means
  • Tiki Bob's Cantina
  • Bartini's

For men who like men:

  • Downtown Olly's... mentioned in the drunk o'clock section, so be weary, but it is advertised as "gay friendly" because apparently Indiana is a hellhole for gays elsewhere... well, let's just leave it at Indiana is a hellhole
  • Greg's... it's not a dudes house, but a place downtown with dancing and gaming, not well rated, though
  • TEN... it's a lesbian bar... I have no idea what they do in there
  • Talbott Street Nightclub... it's north of downtown, but it's larger than the other ones in town

For men who like to smoke indoors (Indiana's still free):

  • The non-fascist city of Indianapolis has a smoking ban in effect for all places that let in people under the age of 18 because they cannot legally consent... in other words, Indianapolis makes Louisville look like 1984... no politics on Card Chronicle, though
  • Subterra Lounge... they have mahogany
  • BLU... they do not have mahogany
  • Many of the bars allow indoor smoking, especially the non-food ones, so enjoy



  • Indianapolis was founded in 1820 to replace Corydon as the state capital... now Corydon is best known for being a suburb of Louisville and for its fabulous Butt Drugs
  • Indiana is known as the "Crossroads of America." That's right, people go through Indiana to get someplace else!
  • Indianapolis is the home former home of David Letterman, Peyton Manning, Mark Summers from "Family Double Dare," and the author's parents... thank god they got out

Thank you for visiting our fair city, and GO CARDS! (and Hoosiers)

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