FanPost

2011-2012 Cards walk into a bar

Rick tells everyone, "Guys, I need you to work on your offensive assertiveness on the court. But let's be honest, we've done enough helmet wearing in practice, and it's just not making its way into games. I want you to all go out to a bar and approach 50 ladies you don't know."

The guys all nod and drag themselves off into a part of Louisville where they will not be recognized for the stars that they are. The end game for the night:

-Russ approaches 135 women and at the end of the night has this to say, "I almost made it to the end goal of 150 approaches, but all I remember are these 70 numbers I got!!!" Someone tells him the goal was 50 approaches and he asks, "Why don't we all try as hard as me?"

-Kyle at the end of the night has this to say, "I really thought the 50 approaches should come to me naturally. At the end of the night I had really connected to one girl. We had something. I remembered at the end of the night coach had said 50 so I talked to 1 one other girl real quick at the end of the night, but it felt like making a 3 at the last second of a 5 point loss."

-"Peyton approached 8 girls during the night, but all at once he was really hammered. At that point, he would run into them and do these crazy ass spin move dances. Three times he got slapped and nothing happened and the other times he made out with the girls. It was weird." -Hendo's account of Peyton's evening

-Chane looked scared most of the time. But when he did approach some girls, he had great success. It almost seems like he should have tried more, but his moves were very awkward and unrefined. No one would have relied upon him to get a girl, but he definitely would have been a great guy to have near you when trying to pick up a girl, and who knows? He could have picked up the remnants very easily.

-Gorgui...ahhh...Gorgui....he waited all night for the ladies to come to him. And he had great success except for the moments when he would suddenly raise his arms up and suddenly whack one of the ladies in the forehead. It was an accident due to his excitement, but it happened nonetheless. When Gorgui tried, he was one of the best. When he would randomly swat a lady on the arm, he would fail. No real shock there.

-Chris must have had his mind of his brother earning millions in China, as he would assert himself occasionally and do quite well, picking up 4 or 5 women at a time and then disappearing for hours at a time to who knows where. If he would have tried the whole night, he may have paralleled Kyle and Peyton in their full night women attempts. Yet no one was as foolhardy and successful as Russ.

Side note: Preston Knowles was at the same bar that evening and not only had a very great night with the ladies, but also helped defend several of his former teammates when they tried talking to women that they did not need to talk to.

*I did not write this. My brother and I brainstormed it on the way home from watching the game and he just wrote it up and sent it to me ten minutes later. You can find his hilarious and astute musings on life here. And seriously, do. It's worth your time.

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