Five Memorable ESPNU Infomercials
by UL is my hot hot sex on Aug 31, 2011 7:14 PM EDT
in Football
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PrintYou are a college football fan. You have cable television. You don't have tickets to the Murray State game. You think you are ready for Thursday's open thread.
You earmarked your Phil Steele/Athlon/Lindy's college football prediction magazines. You trolled Every Day Should Be Saturday while blocking out your significant other's favorite show on E!. You wasted 60 minutes of your life listening to ESPNU's awful Big East football preview. You even follow local newspaper columnists like Rick Bozich on Twitter for real-time links to mind-blowing insight like how Louisville's defensive line will play a key role this season (LOOK INTO YOUR CRYSTAL BALL AND TELL ME MORE SECRETS, YE OLDE PIGSKIN PROPHET).
You're still not ready. Not for the dementia-inspired programming on ESPNU, where you'll be subjected to the exact same infomercials every fifteen minutes over the span of seven hours (don't lie, you're going to watch UK - WKU).
To properly prepare for Thursday night, let's review your five most memorable ESPNU infomercials:
5. Pajama Jeans
/ordinary jeans face
Remember when these bad boys first came out? We were all like "This is next level Snuggie s***, you guys", "Fashion AND comfort?!", and "How many easy payments is this gonna cost me?" Classic ESPNU open thread moment.
Sure, Perfect Patty gets the job done but this product will constantly badger your family with jealous remarks about its cousin, Perfect Brownie Pan who "totally sold out". Current Facebook status: "Livin' the dream, man".
3. Pro Caulk
With Pro Caulk, you can do it like a professional. Apply silicone as usual. Comes with a curved, smooth tip. We promise it'll give you a perfect, clean finish in minutes. Ah-mazing.
2. Anonymous Online University
Brunette girl-next-door type coed wearing skin-tight pink shirt & polka dot boxer shorts (these details are totally not recalled from memory, you guys) who tries to convince us to sign up for some type of online university program that nobody cares about because OMG, WHY IS PAJAMA GIRL SO ATTRACTIVE? Hint: Nobody knows why pajama girl is hot but this fact is indisputable. Ask rickmbari.
Failproof business idea: Cross-promotion with PajamaJean company.
The rippin' and the tearin'. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the gold standard for sports programming infomercials.
[Nasally voice] Hey, Big East or Non-BCS AQ Conference sports fan, do you like pans?: Who doesn't!
How about durable, non-stick surfaces: Oh you already know, son
Do you eat brownies?: You have my attention
Do you crave perfection?: HELL YES /BUYBUYBUYBUY
Consider yourself proper prepped for 4+ hours of ESPNU programming. And just to be safe, convince a friend to hide your credit cards Thursday night. Do these jeans make me look lazy?
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You forgot the meatball magic, it played approximately 4,532,071 times during the UK-UL game in 2009
I spent two hours searching for it in the plethora of “As Seen On TV” stores in Gatlinburg and the surrounding areas, but alas.
"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow
To be fair, there was an extremely close race between Perfect Patty & Meatball Magic.
Clearly, I underestimated your ESPNU infomercial game, jch24. Won’t happen again.
by UL is my hot hot sex on Aug 31, 2011 7:26 PM EDT up reply actions
Fair enough
We started taking shots every time that spot played, it did not end well.
"Wait, you think I'm being mean to the pretend orangutan?" -- battlekow
too bad espnu isn't airing it on espn3 as they usually do. you coudl have it in HD. and not espnuHD
i wanna get chocolate wasted!!!!!
It's like a "Biggest Blunder" countdown on SportsCenter
You know it’s Buckner, but you also know it should be Buckner.
by Mike Rutherford on Aug 31, 2011 7:28 PM EDT up reply actions
Joined just to say
nice work, but. . .
Big Top Cupcakes deserve to make the list. I’d definitely take them over Perfect Patties.
Heel for school, Vol for life!
Bolts, Preds, Canes (childhood team, home state team, hometown team). Canes mini-STH. Southern hockey solidarity!
by Incipient_Senescence on Aug 31, 2011 7:47 PM EDT reply actions
No Flex Seal (TM) ?
"Morgan Newton sucks!"
- Victor Anderson
by HorsePig55 on Aug 31, 2011 7:59 PM EDT via mobile reply actions
Eh hem
That’s Dr. Bo to you hot hot. Rich Bozich did not spend 7 years in local newspaper columnist doctoral school to be simply called Rich Bozich. Thank you.
Careful man, there's a beverage here!
nobody puts Pajama Girl in a corner, Stranger
by UL is my hot hot sex on Aug 31, 2011 8:13 PM EDT up reply actions 3 recs
Amen. Them's fightin' words.
"...and the present, for us, is something that we really look forward to."
- Rick Pitino
At what point when you're trying to "make it"
do you say, “This is it. Education Connection is my big ticket.” Or is it when you finally give up?
ALL HAIL
by Cardinal_Pride on Sep 1, 2011 12:33 AM EDT up reply actions
I was totally going in another direction with "make it."
"...and the present, for us, is something that we really look forward to."
- Rick Pitino
what about that stupid wallet?
2 for the price of 1?
by ChuckFinley on Aug 31, 2011 8:06 PM EDT via iPhone app reply actions
Don't forget Bootie Pop!
"...and the present, for us, is something that we really look forward to."
- Rick Pitino
I'm not sure how I'm unfamiliar with so many of these
Gleason would be disappointed.
by Mike Rutherford on Aug 31, 2011 8:29 PM EDT reply actions
I've got a sneaky feeling Quibids Girl
will be joining us on the U for the upcoming football/basketball season.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pn046Ms5uXs&feature=player_embedded
I can't tell you...
…how long I searched the interwebs trying to figure out who pajama online college girl was… hahaha.
by MountaineerAirman on Aug 31, 2011 9:00 PM EDT reply actions
Here you go.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YeyJwWruW7s
Stout Out!
by tdstout on Sep 1, 2011 2:54 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
asl;kdjaasklsakjdsaklas
"...and the present, for us, is something that we really look forward to."
- Rick Pitino
by rickmbari on Sep 1, 2011 5:31 PM EDT up reply actions 3 recs
These ALL pale in comparison
to the GREATEST TV PRODUCT OF ALL TIME
Even had it’s own South Park episode, which was by the way the GREATEST SOUTH PARK EPISODE EVER.
There will NEVER be a more homo-erotic,phallic “as-seen-on-tv” product in our lifetime, people. You hear me Popeil pocket fisherman? I’m talking to you Mr. Microphone.
BTW, if you hear someone in BW-3’s randomly yell “Shakeweight”, you can bet it’s me, I can’t help myself when THE commercial is on.
Yes, those are caps. Now I’m going to go have myself an old-fashioned.
Not a "TRUE" fan
Flex Seal will be this year's winner
Mark it down.
"Right now, the light at the end of the tunnel? It’s not safe. It’s not safe. The future is coming, and if you’re in the way we’re going to roll right through you."
by Jurich 4 President on Aug 31, 2011 10:58 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions
Dude, the shake weight totally works
just ask Bullet
by Leeroy Jenkins on Sep 1, 2011 7:14 AM EDT up reply actions
I tried to get a Pro Caulk one time...
but instead of the precision tool I got a Sweedish guy with a larger than average tool standing at my doorstep. (Laughs awkwardly as crickets sound…) Less than 24 hours and the ‘Long Summer of Nothing’ can end and we have Cardinal football.
by THE_REAL_SNOWMAN on Aug 31, 2011 10:19 PM EDT reply actions
Cardsince86's above comment
was intended as a reply here
by Leeroy Jenkins on Sep 1, 2011 7:15 AM EDT up reply actions
this is.... INSTANT ANNUAL CLASSIC
I’m sayin’ this is your best work…and that’s saying a lot. Just brilliant….
brb, gonna do some coke and watch ESPNU commercials
by charliestrongmancrush.com on Aug 31, 2011 11:01 PM EDT via iPhone app reply actions
I love Pajama Girl
Only thing is she has clearly never seen a “real” college class, because you can clearly wear your pajamas to class (and like a third of the class does)
Made coming back for my Master's degree all worth it
The scenery at Belknap is amazing in the summer.
Great Post Hot Hot
As a conessouer of really awful (aren’t they all?) infomercials, this was excellent.
by LankySteve on Sep 1, 2011 7:04 AM EDT via mobile reply actions
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