I was bored yesterday so I decided to steal Sports Pickle's idea and make a list of awful puns Jim Nantz would make for each horse in the Kentucky Derby. The only difference is that, unlike the Masters, Nantz isn't actually calling the Derby. Whatever, this was better than writing an economics paper.

Horse – Jockey – Trainer – ML

Archarcharch – John Court – Jinks Fires – 10/1

“Archarcharch is Court’s Gateway to the Derby Crown!”

Brilliant Speed – Joel Rosario – Tom Albertrani – 30/1
“Brilliant Speed is right! Rosario takes home the crown!”

Twice the Appeal – Calvin Borel – Jeff Bonde – 20/1
“Once a Derby winner, Twice the Appeal!”

Stay Thirsty – Ramon Dominquez – Todd Pletcher – 20/1
“My friends, Stay Thirsty is the Most Interesting Horse in the World and your Derby winner!”

Decisive Moment – Kerwin Clark – Juan Arias – 30/1
“In one Decisive Moment, Clark made his move! Welcome to the Winner’s Circle, Arias.”

Comma to the Top – Pat Valenzuela – Peter Miller – 30/1
“Comma to the Top puts an exclamation point on the Derby for Valenzuela and Miller.”

Pants On Fire – Rosie Napravnik – Kelly Breen – 20/1
“No lie here, Pants On Fire wins the Derby!”

Dialed In – Julien Leparoux – Nick Zito – 4/1
“Julien Leparoux, I can hear you now! Dialed In wins the Derby.”

Derby Kitten – Javier Castellano – Michael Maker – 30/1
“Derby Kitten doesn’t purr, he roars! Castellano makes Michael a winner.”

Twinspired – Mike Smith – Michael Maker – 30/1
“The butcher, the baker, the Derby winner Maker! Twinspired takes home the crown.”

Master of Hounds – Garret Gomez – Aiden O’Brien – 30/1
“The underdog of the Derby has won it! Gomez rides Master of Hounds to victory.”

Santiva – Shaun Bridgmohan – Eddie Kenneally – 30/1
“Santiva, you’re so smooth! Bridgmohan and Kenneally are Derby winners.”

Mucho Macho Man – Rajiv Maragh – Kathy Ritvo – 12/1
“There’s Mucho to be said about this Macho horse! Mucho Macho Man and Maragh take home the Derby crown.”

Shackelford – Jesus Castanon – Dale Romans – 12/1
“Shackelford didn’t a need miracle from his jockey here! Romans grabs his first Derby crown.”

Midnight Interlude – Victor Espinoza – Bob Baffert – 10/1
“The clock has struck 12 and Midnight Interlude’s Derby slipper fits! Baffert gets another Derby victory.”

Animal Kingdom – Robby Albarado – Graham Motion – 30/1
“The animals have a new king today! Albarado and Motion are Derby winners.”

Soldat – Alan Garcia – Kiaran McLaughlin – 12/1
“Going once, going twice, Soldat is the Derby winner!”

Uncle Mo – John Velazquez – Todd Pletcher – 9/2
“Pletcher won last year, but he has no complaints with one Mo! Uncle Mo is your Derby winner.”

Nehro – Corey Nakatani – Steve Asmussen – 6/1
“The other horses have Nehro to go, and Nakatani rides his horse to the Derby crown!”

Watch Me Go – Rafael Bejarano – Kathleen O’Connell – 50/1
“Watch Me Go and Watch Me Win! Bejarano and O’Connell are victors!”