Today we spell redemption: "G-N-O-M-E."
I'm just going to come right out with it: I was embarrassed, astonished, and downright DePaulled at the behavior of several of you this Saturday. What part of "we may win big, we may win small, but there's no doubt we will win" was lost on you people?
I'm trying to enjoy my "Sounds of the Rainforest" CD from the comfort of my sauna, but my phone keeps blowing up with "how nervous r u right now" and "im seriously gonna punch you in the the f---ing face" text messages. It appears even my own Nana has forgotten what DePaul Day is supposed to be all about.
If that wasn't bad enough, I try to retreat to the comfort of the game thread, and here's a brief sampling of what I'm greeted with:
To put it nicely, I hope all of you die.
I never saw "The War on DePaul Day" coming, but now that it's here you can bet your ass I'll be on the frontline from now until eternity. If I ever personally hear or read a comment from a female, young child, old person, or anyone else smaller than I am in which they state some sort of fear about an upcoming basketball game against DePaul, that person is getting Goldberg speared in public...preferably over some sort of fruit cart...we'll have to try to set something up...that's part of the war.
Some shots at me are almost expected at this point, and that's fine, I'm DePaul day tested...but the gnome?
What has the gnome done besides take a solid South Florida football team to overtime and then win a Big East basketball game for a Cardinal squad playing without its leading scorer, rebounder, and shot-blocker? And you "Chronicloids" are thanking him by shooting him with guns, stabbing him with knives, and then trying to paint him as a racist by throwing blackface on him against his will. A "Demon," please.
So for all those asking, no, the gnome will not be returning. But he's not being "banished" or "retired," he's being rewarded; rewarded by not having to deal with a group of spoiled, over-sexed ruffians who wouldn't recognize holiday fun if Santa Claus and the cat from Hocus Pocus were doing the Preston Dance in their own living room.
For those of you who celebrated in proper form, I apologize for inconveniencing you with this post. If the Blue Demons should somehow face our Cardinals in the Big East Tournament, drinks and full-body massages will be on me. In the absolutely certain event that this does not occur, I will see you all in 12 months.