I was about to buy some 50-yard-line tickets to the Belk Bowl, but a little voice in my head kept whispering "What if we don't go?"

"Impossible," I whispered back. "Everyone says that's where we're going. West Virginia is going to the Orange, Notre Dame is stealing the Champs..."

"And Cincinnati beat us heads up, and is rated higher, and may be more attractive to the Belk Bowl people," said the voice.

"Yes," I said aloud, "but that would be a rematch with N. C. State, and the bowl committees don't like rematches."

"Who are you talking to?" asked my wife.

The voice in my head went on. "You'd better check out the SB*Nation bowl projections," it cautioned.

"Exactly," I said. "They have us in the Belk Bowl."

"Who does?" said my wife.

"Against?" asked the voice.

"North Caro- North Car- North - Oh no!" I said.

"Now do you see my point?" said the voice. "Cincinnati versus North Carolina is not a rematch, but Louisville versus North Carolina is. The Bearcats get the Belk Bowl."

"OK, so we go to Yankee Stadium for the Pinstripe Bowl," I said hopefully.

"We do?" replied the wife.

"Nope," said the voice. "The Yankees want a New York-area team in the Bronx. Rutgers has that sewn up."

"Don't tell me we're going to the Liberty Bowl!" I shouted.

"I'm not telling you anything," said my wife. "And calm down. You're scaring the dog."

The voice wasn't as kind. "No, the Liberty - or the BBVA Compass Bowl - will choose between Louisville and Pitt. Pitt beat the Cardinals head-to-head, and is a sexier name for TV. Everyone thinks Louisville is a basketball school."

"But that means..." I blubbered.

"Yep," said the voice. "Put on your beef helmet and get your tickets to St. Pete."

My wife and the dog both went running from the room as I screamed "DAMN YOU, NOTRE DAME! AND F&*( YOU, UCONN!"