1)  Let's go English Premier League style on it.  Bring in a lower tier conference, establish relegation.  The top two teams in the lower conference move up to the higher conference for the next year and get paid out the same amount of money as the rest of the higher league conference.  The lowest two teams in the higher league move down and get paid the amount of money the lower conference gets.  I'm talking' bout relegation, baby!.

2)  The Big East Invitational Basketball Tournament:  we offer 24 schools the chance to join the Big East based upon their winning percentages in football over the last five years.  However, they have to participate in a basketball playoff to be admitted, the highest 6 teams get in -- contingent on beating St. Johns and DePaul.

3)  Call in to win:  We start a radio channel online and ask for business cards from the head coach of every team that wants to join.  We put them in a fishbowl, and draw them out at random after playing Lady Gaga's Poker Face, and say the name of the coach.  He has 6 minutes to call in or he doesn't get into the conference.

4)  American Football Idol:  Pretty self explanatory.  I say we use Bobby Knight, Lee Corso, and Bill Simmons as our judges.  Bobby Knight'll definitely be the Simon Cowell.

5)  Raid a FCS conference so we can claim for the next 5 years we're waiting for our teams to build up.  Except for Appalachian State which will probably be competitive from the beginning.

6) Over the Top:  An arm wrestling tournament judged by Sylvester Stallone.

7)  Magic 8 Ball:  We call together every program that wants in and have their coach ask "Do I get to join the Big East?"