WHAT THE HECK IS ON TV TONIGHT?

9:00 PM  NBC                 FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS - For the fourth week in a row, Dillon High scores as time runs out in yet another heart stopping victory.  As always, it strikes me as odd, that although there is no Public Address announcer, or no play by play booth announcer, every gosh darn play is described in great detail by somebody, somewhere, perhaps the guy sitting next to you in the stadium, yelling a bull horn into your ear:  “WITH FOUR SECONDS, THREE SECONDS, TWO SECONDS, RIGGINS FAKES LEFT, AND DIVES......IT’S A TOUCHDOWN, IT’S A TOUCHDOWN.”  The best character on television is the team booster who also owns the local GM automobile dealership.  Lots of clichés on the show, but take heart, there will be blondes....Oh yes, there will be blondes.

9:00 PM  FX                   RANT  Denis Leary versus Dennis Miller.  Two out of three falls.  Next week, Rachel Maddow versus Ann Coulter.

9:00 PM  TNT                MURDER SHE WROTE  Tonight, a nine hour marathon.  Episode one:  Jessica solves a murder in Cabot Cove.  Dick Van Dyke guests.  You can open up a vein any time now.

9:00 CNN                       LARRY KING LIVE  In another theme show Larry interviews Hollywood stars who have played “God” in motion pictures and television.  Guests include Morgan Freeman, Alanis Morrissette and the late George Burns.

3:45 AM  ESPN OCHO    AUSTRALIAN FOOTBALL  -  North Borneo United takes on Perth in an Upper Division tilt (joined live).

10:00 PM  TMC               “WEEKEND AT BERNIE'S VI” –more madcap hijinks with  Andrew McCarthy and that very ripe body in the back of a 1969 AMC Pacer.

10:00 PM  A&E                 DIAGNOSIS MURDER -  Angela Landsbury joins the cast tonight, as “Jessica,” an old friend, and maybe more than an old friend, of her former mentor, Dick Van Dyke.  Will sparks fly?

9:30 PM  THE BREAKFAST CLUB CHANNEL  Tonight, the eighties coming of age movie, “The Breakfast Club.”  Teenage angst on a Saturday morning detention stint as seen by director John Hughes.  It’s all here:  The American Princess, The Jock, The High School Badboy, The Nerd, and The Goth (wonderfully played by Ally Sheedy) who wears black every day of the week and on Friday wears “festive black.”   She is a true weirdsmobile and twenty-two per cent of you who are now reading this had a crush on somebody like her in High School.  Is The Prick School Teacher the same guy who plays the Prick Boss in Office Space?  I don't know.  Music by Simple Minds.

9:45 PM  TLC                   SPORTS HANDYMAN - Master Norwegian carpenter Laars Swendseeeeeen, begins construction on a wrestling ring.  Tonight:  The Turnbuckle.

10:15     AMC                 "MOST OVERRATED TV SHOWS EVER," premiers.  Tonight,  Number 14, "Everybody Loves Raymond."   

In this episode:   After paging through the new National Geographic, Raymond’s father gets a small woodie; Raymond’s wife overcooks the lasagna; Raymond tries on a pair of new bowling shoes.

                                            *****

I'm glad Thabeet didn't get hurt badly last night.  The play just about made me sick.  Just like Luke falling on his white cranium that time.  Let's get straightened out this week.