I was all set to be a good coach and do stuff the right way, but ya’ll take this shit way too seriously. You’re puttin’ all this pressure on me, and that’s why I have trouble readin my football play calling cheat sheet, and then my wife’s like “are they gonna fire you?” and I’m all like “stop yellin at me, woman!” and the Dairy Queen ran outta Bufferfinger Blizzards…"