FanPost

SEINFELD SCENE II

JERRY SITS ALONE AT HIS KITCHEN TABLE, SMILING.
HE IS PLEASE WITH HIMSELF, HAVING JUST VANQUISHED GEORGE CASTANZA BY A SCORE OF 24-21 IN MATCH BOOK FOOTBALL.
HE IS HAVING HIS USUAL DINNER:  KAPTAIN KRUNCH AND BANANAS.  AT THE KITCHEN'S ENTRANCE, KRAMER MAGICALLY APPEARS. HE HAS CHANGED HIS SHIRT AND NOW WEARS A BLAND CREAM TOP WITH OUTRAGEOUS YELLOW POLKA DOTS.  HE HAS THE BOTTLE OF BOOZE, NOW ALMOST EMPTY WITH HIM.  HE IS SMILING.

KRAMER:  I'M BRINGING BACK THE RUM.
HE PRESENTS IT TO JERRY.  JERRY HOLDS THE 151 PROOF BOTTLE AGAINST THE LIGHT.  THE BOTTLE WAS FULL AND NOW CONTAINS, AT THE MOST, TWO FINGERS--THAT IS, IF YOU COUNT THE PINKY AS A FINGER.

JERRY:  (MILDLY SARCASTICALLY)  THANKS FOR BRINGING BACK THE WHOLE THING.

KRAMER:  (SMILING EXCITEDLY)  DID YOU SEE HIM, JERRY?  DID YOU SEE MY LITTLE MAN, PRESTON??

JERRY:  YEAH, I SAW HIM.  PLAYED A PRETTY GOOD GAME.  I ALSO SAW HIM GET TEED-UP BY THE REFEREE.

KRAMER:  NO WORRIES, JERRY----IT JUST FIRED HIM UP SOME MORE.

JERRY:  YOU KNOW WHO ELSE PLAYED PRETTY WELL?  I THINK CARACTER DID...YEAH, CARACTER PLAYED PRETTY WELL.

KRAMER: (SHUDDERS)  HE'S A BEAST, JERRY, A BEAST!...YOU KNOW, JERRY, I THINK HE'S GONNA GO TO THE NEXT LEVEL.

JERRY (DRYLY)  YEAH, I HEARD HE'S GONNA PLAY IN THE THURSDAY NITE BEER LEAGUE IN FINLAND

THERE'S A KNOCK ON THE DOOR
BOTH KRAMER AND JERRY GO TO ANSWER IT

THERE STANDS WHAT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS A SIGHT.  THE GIRTH OF THE INDIVIDUAL BLOCKS OUT ALL LIGHT.  THE FIGURE'S HEAD IS DOFFED WITH A BUS DRIVER TYPE CAP.  HE WEARS SUMMER POSTAL SHORTS FROM WHICH HANG 23 KEYS.  BENEATH HE WEARS POWDER BLUE COMPRESSION SHORTS THAT COVER LEGS THE SIZE OF SEQUOIAS.  YOU COULD RUN LAPS AROUND THOSE GAMS.  HIS KNEES ARE FAR BEYOND KNOBBY.  INSTEAD OF A SHIRT HE WEARS A UNIVERSITY OF NORTH CAROLINA POWDER BLUE BASKETBALL JERSEY. HE HAS A GLAZED LOOK ON HIS FACE.

JERRY AND KRAMER SIZE HIM UP FROM HEAD TO TOE AND ARE SPEECHLESS.

FINALLY, SIMULATANEOUSLY THEY BOTH RESPOND AT THE SAME TIME WITH A POISONOUS SNEER

JERRY AND KRAMER:  OH, HELLO NEWWWWWWWWMAN.

NEWMAN:  JERRY, I'VE COME TO BORROW SOME RUM.  CAN YOU HELP ME?

TOGETHER JERRY AND KRAMER SLAM THE DOOR IN HIS FACE.

CURTAIN    

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